would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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