he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
