so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
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