We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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