Where is the hickey?
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
