You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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