I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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