So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize