she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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