Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Randomize