I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Randomize
