you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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