I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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