Already got asked if we're dating
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
