It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Randomize
