Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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