I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Your shirt... Was in my pants
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
