Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
