she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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