i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
