I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
