Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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