sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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