Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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