Already got asked if we're dating
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
