I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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