True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
