THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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