I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
