Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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