i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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