ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
