"it" just moved
so that wasnt chicken after all
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
