Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
