Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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