I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
