we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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