FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
