My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
