I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
