It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
