isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
