flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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