??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
