I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
