Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
