I'm sorry my penis didn't work
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
