god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
