after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
