Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
