I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
