Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
