I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
