I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
