My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Of course I have a pirate flag
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
