my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
