tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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