official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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