now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
