i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
