walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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