Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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