I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
