Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You're a waste of cheezeits
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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