i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
