Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Randomize
