dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
