I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
